Timber! (on falling over)

I fall over A LOT. So much I don't even tweet most of them and I tweet everything. I wait for noteworthy ones; impressive injuries. a funny story or some major destruction. I have always been clumsy; as a child my legs were a traffic light of bruises and mum was constantly concerned that social services would investigate! However I think it has got worse thanks to the MS gremlins - my balance is shot and I've had to give up heels, I'm just too wobbly!  I don't swoon like a lady I obviously am, I fall like a great tree felling everything in my path. Usually on to my knees which are bruised 90 percent of the time I reckon. It's a pity is not onto my arse coz I have padding there and quite a lot too.

Notable falls in recent times include (It's OK if you laugh, they're funny);

• Falling over whilst walking in front of the stand at rugby and being caught by a fan with excellent reflexes.
• Falling off my then boyfriend while we switch positions and cracking my cheekbone on the corner of the bedside table resulting in four hours waiting at A&E the next day and a cracking black eye that I had to make up explanations for.
• Falling over and grazing my foot outside a job centre and giving myself an infection that was nearly blood poisoning apparently meaning I was on antibiotics for my BFF's hen and couldn't laze in the jacuzzi at the spa.
• Falling onto my knees and somehow tangling my heel in my cardigan effectively meaning I have hog tied my self and having a guy pull over in his car and pick me up. And then having to walk to the station with bleeding knees. And then getting followed round the station by some management person who obviously saw me as a threat to her perfect health and safety record.
• Falling over in my bedroom and landing on a half open drawer and breaking it and its fixings. 

I am a disaster area. There should be a safety cordon around me. Or a circle of handsome men poised to catch me. Definitely not glass. Or stairs, I don't like stairs; I think the reasons are fairly obvious.