On being a writer

Or trying to be. Am I only a writer when I'm published?

I think I always wanted to be but it wasn't such a conscious decision, there are words & they want to be written; its not really my decision to put them on the page. They have a meaning & will of their own and I just make them into patterns on the page. They are like pieces of coloured glass, I do not make them simply lay them out as a mosaic. Like Romans though I'm guessing other people did it. Do it. Whatever you get the metaphor (hopefully).

Am I any good? I don't know. Once at least some of my book is finished I may blog excerpts so you can see. I don't really write with anyone reading it in mind, it just needs to come out sometimes. I don't really have a creative process it's just stuff I think about that likes other stuff I think about. The degree course I dropped out for discussed the creative process, We had a whole semester looking at Image and Imagination. Lots of looking at slides. I think we had an assignment where we had to sit in the dark and write about how it made us feel, There are obviously some practical problems with that. We also spent a whole class drawing each others shoes. This may have been the point when I decided to drop out. I went and worked in a hotel and got far drunker and had far more sex - which lets face is the main point of uni. But that's a whole other blog post. 

But anyway, back to the writing. The novel I'm writing is about a female serial killer, it all started with a fantasy I used to have about drowning my ex in the bath. I may have unexplored issues. I'm not telling you who, but things were actually ok at the time which makes it weirder I guess. I think me writing may be a good thing whether I'm any good or not - it's a safer way for the crazy to come out.